Letters to Anna
by NatalieFavinal
Summary: After the disappearance of the enigmatic girl who stole her heart, Elsa writes twelve letters to her lost love in this story about finding hope after heartbreak. Now that Anna has come and gone out of her life, who is Elsa now, and who does she want to be? Modern-day AU, Elsanna.
1. Questions in September

To my Anna,

It's been three weeks since the last time I saw you. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to begin my letters to you, but it's actually the first time I could write your name down without breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably. You told me once that I had it in me to be strong, and I'm doing my best to prove you right. So, I'm writing to you now, in the hopes that even though we are apart, I will be able to share my life with you.

And life does go on, you know. I still eat dinner every day with my parents. I still go to class. Kristoff still misses you. I talk to him now, sometimes. He does that thing you used to do where he'll call me on the phone just to talk, instead of sending a text like normal human beings in the digital age. Did he get that from you, or did you get that from him? Sometimes I let the phone ring for a bit and pretend it's you again. But you didn't take your phone with you, did you?

Anna, what could I have done to not lose you? I can't get that question out of my head. I ask it to myself in the shower, when I eat lunch, on the drive to school.

I know the answer, though, deep down. I could have gone with you. When you came to my house that night, you knocked on my window, you looked into my eyes, and you begged me to run away. And I didn't. I saw the betrayal in your face. But I couldn't, Anna; you know I couldn't, because I was too afraid. Don't misunderstand what I mean. I was not afraid of my love for you, or your love for me. I believed- I believe, I mean- in us.

But how could I drop out of college? Where were we going? With what money would we live?

You didn't have enough answers, and I had way too many questions.

I still have way too many questions, by the way, just different ones now. For example: What am I going to do when I graduate? I still don't know. Do you remember how we used to talk about the future? You would laugh when I told you how worried I was not to know what I would be doing. I remember one time in particular. We had walked to the last pier, sat on that bench you loved so much, and I looked out into the ocean and wondered if we would still be together in a year. Do you remember what you said?

"Elsa Delle, I keep telling you, if you spent a bit more time in the present than in the future, maybe the future wouldn't look so scary."

Back then I had no idea what you meant, as usual. But I think I'm starting to understand now.

Other questions in my life are more mundane. Where should I get a part-time job? The ice cream shop by my house closed, so I'm unemployed now. Do I like my classes? The last year of college, I'll have you know, is easier than most. I'm pretty much just taking electives at this point, so if a class seems like it's going to be too stressful I can just switch for something easier. You'll be happy to know I'm in a music class this semester. I think it's going to be a lot of fun.

In the back of my mind though, there is one question that burns brighter than all the others, one that I don't know the answer to, and it scares me.

It's been three weeks since the last time I saw you.

Will I ever see you again?


	2. Nostalgia in October

October is a busy month for me, Anna, you know that. I have mid-terms for most of my classes. My classes, by the way, are alright for the most part. I haven't made many friends, or any friends to be precise. I know; you're shocked, right? Because I'm such a social butterfly. I've been doing well grade-wise at least.

Emotionally, I've been feeling better. I'm tutoring Olaf again. I had to take a couple weeks off after you left, but I'm back in the tutoring game! Belle isn't happy about the competition, but like you told her once, she's "just going to have to deal with it!"

Somewhere in between learning fractions, Olaf asked about you. I didn't know what to say. I tried to explain the concept of traveling far away across the ocean, but you know him. He's never even left the city, so the idea of leaving everything to see that great big world out there is still kind of abstract to him, and thus uninteresting.

Gosh, the way I tell it you'd think I pine for you every day. I really am feeling better, Anna. I still think about you but life goes on (I keep thinking that phrase to myself a lot these days) and I do enough during the days to keep myself busy. It's when I lie in bed at night that I have problems.

You know what I mean, right? Those moments where you're trying to sleep but you're not quite there so your mind is still working and your thoughts drift away from you. That's when I remember. I remember our short, crazy, silly, beautiful time together. Does that happen to you, wherever you are? Does your head hit that pillow and find itself drawn towards thoughts of the blonde girl you met at the park?

Do you remember that day?

You were there, so you know what happened, obviously, but I want to tell you my side of the story. How I experienced it. It'll be interesting for you (I hope) and therapeutic for me (I really, really hope).

I know you're not the best with dates, so I'll just tell you that it was on the sixth of July. It was hot and humid, par for the course during the summer months in suburbia. I hated going to the park, but my parents insisted I complete one hour of exercise every day. So I would run through the same winding path around the park, over and over until the hour was up and I could retreat back into the sweet, air-conditioned sanctuary that is my room.

On this particular day I decided to cheat a bit, only running for half an hour and sitting on a bench with a good book. I know, I know, I'm such a rebel.

Anyway, that's where I was when I saw you.

You were jogging down the winding path, huffing and puffing as you stared straight ahead. The freckles splashed across your nose were the first thing I noticed in the bright sunlight beating down on us. Then your blue eyes and red hair. Then your legs. I know you take a lot of pride in your butt, Anna, but if I'm being completely honest here, your legs have always been my favorite part of you. Physically, I mean.

You were dressed in short navy blue boy-shorts and a gray tank top. I could tell you hadn't been running for very long because your shirt wasn't drenched in sweat. Mine was, and I had only been lightly jogging for half an hour. Come to think of it, I probably cut a pretty pitiful figure on that bench, breathing heavily while sweating all over a book, my hair tied up in a ponytail. I never asked you what you thought of me when you saw me that day.

I saw you first though. You ran right past me without as much as a glance, your eyes looking off into the distance. You were focused on something, your body was here but your mind was somewhere else. I gave you a cursory glance and went back to my book. To me, you were just another park-goer.

Being as hot a day as it was, there weren't many other people around. At the playground, there was a little girl hanging upside down from the monkey bars while an older girl berated her. They were too loud for me to keep reading, so I put my book down with a sigh and figured I'd see where their argument was going.

"Okay Lilo," the older girl exclaimed as she reached up and put her arms around the little girl, "If you're going to do stuff like that we're going home!"

"Noooooooo!" Lilo complained, wriggling around as the older girl (they had to have been sisters) pulled her down off the monkey bars. "I was just trying to increase blood flow to my brain so I could become smarter!"

"The only thing you're increasing is my blood pressure," the older girl growled as she put Lilo down. "Now come on, we're leaving!"

As the two sisters argued, my gaze drifted over to you, still jogging. The path took you close towards the edge of the playground, and I squinted as I saw you slow down. You reached into your pocket and took something small out, dropping it subtly behind you as you sped up, the path leading you away from the playground and back around in my direction.

I looked at the sisters, who were still arguing. Lilo was being pulled along behind the older girl, and she was grumbling as she stared at the ground. Her eyes lit up as she spotted whatever it was you had dropped and she picked it up.

"Lilo!" The older girl yelled angrily, turning around. "What are you grabbing? You promised you would stop bringing bugs home!"

"It's a lucky nickel," The younger girl, Lilo, stared at it, wide-eyed. "That's five times luckier than a penny. This is going to be a good week, Nani. You should buy a lotto ticket."

"Why are you so weird?" Nani led Lilo towards the parking lot, clearly exasperated.

If you noticed your nickel being picked up, you gave no sign. You kept running, a small smile on your face. Your eyes drifted over to the bench where I was sitting. I stared back at you. There must have been something in my face that tipped you off to my knowledge of your secret nickel placements, because you put a finger to your lips as you ran past me, your blue eyes twinkling happily.

You kept running until you reached a fence, you jumped over it, and you were gone.

I know what you're thinking, because you're a hopeless romantic.

"Elsa! This is the part where you tell me how you fell in love with me the moment you saw me, right? Oh my gosh, tell me everything you felt! Sorry, I'm interrupting. Do go on. Dazzle me!"

Sorry Anna, but at the time I really didn't think much of it. You were cute enough, and I thought it was a nice (if a bit silly) thing you did for that little girl, but honestly… whatever, you know? By dinnertime, my visit to the park was out of my mind, and I definitely didn't think about you when I went to sleep that night.

It feels crazy to think that I had no idea how things would change so much, so quickly. But how was I supposed to know what I would be feeling for you a week, a month, a year from then?


End file.
